Mother's Day Bliss...

Twelve months ago, give or take a few days,

I lamented how Mother's Day 

was sort of a joke.... 

 

It's supposed to be a day of rest, relaxation 

and general joyous bonding

of mother and her precious children... 

In reality, it is like any other day,

plus the added stress of cooking brunch 

for the whole family,

entertaining everyone

and the resulting massive clean up afterward... 

So much for rest and relaxation... 

A year ago I declared that NEXT YEAR 

would be different! 

I would find a peaceful escape 

to honor my daily endeavors

in the land of mommy... 

Right. 

 Along with a few other things 

that have not transpired

over the last annum such as financial solvency, 

organized closets

and tighter abs,

my quest for a blissful mother's day

will not occur... 

However, mild improvements are to be celebrated... 

Two years ago, Tom worked on Mother's Day

and it was the Anti-Mother's Day... 

Man did that suck... 

Last year, the day did not belong to me,

but there was breakfast in bed... 

This year, I am escaping, albeit on Saturday... 

Massage and mani pedi appointments have been secured

I am so looking forward to that...

On Sunday, family will come over... 

I will clean, shop, prepare and make brunch... 

And I will enjoy seeing family because

I love them and they like my food... 

It all works out in the wash, right?

As I was pondering what to write 

about Mother's Day,

I considered some of the myths

that surround the mystique of motherhood

believed by those who are not mothers themselves..

1. Pregnancys makes you "Glow."

Perhaps it is the perception that 

the little bun in the oven

 is making Mama to Be glow with motherly joy. 

The fact is that said bun is creating 

an internal body temperature

similar to the Hot Springs in Arkansas. 

Do you ever notice that pregnant women 

wear short sleeves in January? 

2. The Instant Bond Upon Birth. 

Let's face it, Friends.  Unless Jr. was born cesarean section,

he or she looks more like a misshapen prune 

after nineteen plus hours of pushing. 

I'd venture to suggest that perhaps 

after the little one

has had a proper bath from the nurses

and once you have been tidied up yourself

that true maternal love is allowed to fully bloom.

3. Baby will sleep through the night after three weeks. 

How about more like three months? 

Kate's reflux made her scream 

like the house was on fire

for nine weeks before she settled 

into a decent sleeping routine. 

Tom and I believe lack of sleep is truly 

what makes parents lose their sanity. 

I have friends with eight year olds who still wake them 

in the night and sneak into their beds. 

God help those parents... 

And those amazingly fortunate parents whose kids
slept through the night 

during the first two weeks of life...

May I punch you in the face? 

Did I say that? 

Sorry....just kidding...

4. You will feel that smushy, lovey feeling for your kids 

all the time and they will be perfect...

You are joking, right? 

Did I dream my six year old would 

have an all out tantrum over cereal? 

Did I, in any way imagine my son 

would accidentally almost set the house on fire? 

Do my perfect, precious kids really think farts are THAT funny? 

Perfect, no. 

All smush, all the time, no. 

I love them enough to willingly 

lie on the tracks for them. 

Believe me, they feel loved. 

I will not be guilted by the perfectionist mom society out there. 

Read this by Erica Jong...  It's AWESOME.

5. You can have it all!   

Hahahahahaha!  I am crying, I am laughing so hard. 

Erica's article addresses this, too. 

If you try to have it all, someone will hate you, 

your kids, your husband,

your friends, but probably yourself. 

Do what you can and forget about the dried spaghetti 

smeared under the kitchen island

and the unsorted socks that breed.

Like Erma Bombeck said,

"If the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, 

or block the refrigerator door, let it be. 

No one else cares. 

Why should you?"

6. You will keep all your friends.  

I wish this were true and I sorely miss some of my friends 

whom I don't see anymore.  

Motherhood changes things.  

Once you have crossed over to pumping milk 

and bringing snacks to soccer, 

your single and friends without kids 

will have different interests.  

It's like moving from the city to the suburbs.  

Sometimes the divide is too great.  

It takes a ton of effort to keep those friendships together.  

There will be casualties.

7. That baby weight will fall right off!  

To those of you who weigh less now than before pregnancy, 

yadda yadda yadda...  

The rest of us who are still battling those last ten stubborn pounds, 

welcome to the club.  

It is a raw deal that we bear the children 

and then continue to bear the vestiges of the journey.  

Can't men at least get stretch marks during our pregnancies?  

I have heard of sympathy weight, 

but how many men actually gain 40-60 lbs?   

Can't their shoe sizes increase, too?  

Why can't their hips widen to accommodate toddlers, 

only to never slim down again?  

C'mon, it is only fair...

8. Kids thirst for your quality time.  

Let's get this straight.  

Kids only want your attention 

when you are on the toilet, 

making a phone call or answering the door.  

Any other time, they would much prefer 

Sponge Bob or Call of Duty.  

And once they hit the age of ten, 

you are dead to them in public settings.

9. Motherhood is wholly satisfying.  

I would be burned at the stake by the politically correct, 

witch hunting society in the U.S. today,

 if I didn't proclaim that  

motherhood completes every fiber of my being!!!

Would I give my kids up?  

No way...  

Do I sometimes wish Tom and I 

were living a charmed life in Tuscany, 

flitting to Monaco for the weekend 

and occasionally sleeping in on Sundays, 

only to wake to a cappuccino and a newspaper?  

YES!!!    

Life is not perfect, but I can't complain...  

There are many things to be grateful for, 

and two of them hug me daily...