Contagion

With the joy and relief of the beginning of school, 

also enters the specter of germs..  

I am not talking the sniffles… 

That’s kitty food...  

What I am talking about is the stomach flu, 

pink eye and lice kind of fun that only preschoolers 

and kindergarteners know how to dish out with relish...  

Every year, the germy wave sweeps through class 

like a tsunami, leveling families

all the way out to grandparents...   

Excepting lice, the terror is relatively brief, 

 but the hysteria created 

once the letter gets sent home from class is palpable...   

You can hear the mother’s shrieks from miles away 

as they pull that germ notice

from their sweet child’s backpack 

and read the good news

that three kids have been sent home for Pink Eye...   

Now Pink Eye is really such a harmless condition… 

it’s just a watery, glassy eye and some nasty yellow goo.. 

Hardly polio…

Not sure what the big deal is other 

than the contagious-ness of Pink Eye...

But you’d think your kid has leprosy 

once the word is out that he/she has It...  

 And wouldn’t you know, biggest kid in our house, Tom, 

woke up Monday with good old Pink Eye...  

But he did not contract it from licking a kindergarten door knob, 

no siree…  

 He found the nice little germs from a truck stop door handle 

somewhere between Georgia and home...  

Ewwwww…. 

Poor guy woke up looking like his eye 

did three rounds with Mike Tyson...  

I was sympathetic and searched the house 

for the tiny bottle of Eye Goo Be Gone, 

used for the kid’s previous Pink Eye encounters...  

 I patted his shoulder and made him a nice breakfast...  

All the while, I was panicked the kids 

would touch anything in the house 

remotely connected to Tom...  

School was the next day 

and God Forbid I have to keep them home 

one more day... 

After 21 days of joyful family time on vacation,

there could not be any more togetherness...  

Someone would go over the edge...

Most likely me...  

At about the time my mind was racing as to how to quarantine Tom 

and to threaten the kids with spinach for dinner 

should they even come within ten feet of Daddy, 

Kate up and KISSES him on his oogy eye... 

Could she possibly get more exposure than that?!   

After I stopped hyperventilating 

and explained why Daddy was off limits for a few days, 

I calmed down and hoped for the best... 

 As luck would have it, none of us contracted the dreaded Pink Eye 

and it looked like school attendance 

would be perfect for this first week of school...   

That is, until about, 2 am this morning…  

 I heard the tiniest sound.

that is found in the international mom handbook of sounds...  

The sound of a child throwing up… 

Not in the bathroom, either.. .

We all know it instantly 

and we become adrenaline doped sprinters 

with speed like Marion Jones...   

I leapt out of bed, 

 to find Kate kneeling in the carpeted hallway,

letting it fly...   

Kids tend to foreshadow 

and I should have picked up on her lethargy 

and bathroom issues the night before... 

 I pushed it off to school fatigue 

and the hotdog she ate before the school ice cream social...   

So much for female intuition… 

I felt her head and there was no fever 

and she felt better 

as she watched me clean up the three other piles of vomit 

she expelled while heading down the hall...  

Apparently, we need to brush up on Barfing 101... 

 “Honey, if you feel like you need to throw up, high tail it to the bathroom…”  

 Kate seemed much better this morning 

until she was in the queue for school...  

Then she gave me a long, sad puppy dog look...  

 I am keeping the phone close today….   

So in the first week, we have survived Pink Eye and the Flu... 

 I can only wonder what next week holds...  

If it’s lice, listen out the window… 

It will be me screaming…..