You know, when I gazed lovingly into Tom's eyes,
in front of a fountain, at the Four Seasons in Las Vegas
and said "I do..." little did I know what was in store for me...
A book could be written about the last 10 plus years,
but suffice it to say that I had NO IDEA
we would take a joy ride to and from Washington D.C.
in our 18 wheeler, with the kids....
I mean, I am Private Benjamin...
I don't camp, even with a pop-up camper at the KOA
(lovingly named "Sh*#t In A Ditch" by a friend)...
It would follow that being within 50 yards of a semi-truck is not on the old bucket list.....
Nope.
And then I married a man who not only bought a big rig,
but he became licensed to drive one...
Oh my mercy!
It's not like chicks are hot for truckers like they are for firemen...
No offense to truckers, but from what I have seen
they are not usually candidates for calendars...
Needless to say, although my husband elevates the hotness factor in the trucking industry,
I have no appetite for being his lot lizard....don't ask...
So when he broached the subject for a family/business trip
to deliver a vehicle in Washington D.C.,
my first reaction was to declare that I refuse to sleep in a truck stop...
My second reaction was that this will be one heckuva blog opportunity....
Ohhhh Yeahhhh....
So how does one prepare to drive 15 hours in a semi with two kids?
It's pretty much the same as if you were heading to Yellowstone,
The Grand Canyon or the Ozarks...
You pack the equivalent of three times their body weight in food.
You load up on the DVD's and a few goodies in their backpacks
to surprise and thrill them between fights...
I packed enough food for the Russian army...
You gotta have the goods for part two of the trip
so I reserved half of the rations in a box for the trip home,
as well as half the movies and a surprise or two...
The truck pulls a flatbed with the client's vehicle,
along with our car, so we can travel lighter once we get to DC.
In there we placed the luggage, too.
In the semi, there is a twin-sized mattress with some storage,
a little fridge and a small TV.
Trucker/kid paradise....
I prepared as well as I knew to on my maiden voyage...
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Anyone with a brain would have loaded up the truck the day before
and would have hit the hay, nice and early before the big trip.
Nah....that would have been too easy...
Instead, we had primo seats to see U2 at Soldier Field.
No doubt, it was an awesome show,
but after the full hour it took to leave the parking lot,
coupled with Tom, in his beer-induced state,
fleeing the car to assume the mantle of Chicago Traffic Authority,
only to join us after we used words an eight year old should not hear,
we finally got home after midnight...
So much for the early am departure...
About two hours behind schedule,
the trucks were loaded onto the flatbed,
the cab was packed with kid food, bags, blankies, pillows
and other essentials and this convoy got under way.
I decided to channel Daisy Duke on this first day for fun...
So Day 1 has ended and here is what I have learned:
There is a whole lingo and ettiquette to become aware of...
Other truckers are called "Driver", not "Good Buddy"....
The latter is a derogatory term...
"Hammer down/lane" is either the gas pedal or the fast lane....
"Front Door" is the leader of the convoy...
"Full Grown Bear" is the police with a civilian along the side of the road...
and "Covered Wagon" is a trailer with an arched tarp...
Yeeee Hawww!
I learned that you can avoid lunch at the drive thru
if you pack TONS of food.
Those two kids snarfed more food than the Bulls do at Morton's after a game...
Kids will find any reason to bicker,
even on an adventure
and they will crap up a space with cracker crumbs, wrappers, socks, toys
and Kleenexes before the truck leaves the parking lot.
I learned that truck stops have cool stuff and gnarly bathrooms.
I learned that my daughter will choose to foul the one bathroom stall
with the sign "Out of Order", out of the 20 stalls available....
I learned that even if the roadsign says that there is an UNO Pizzeria at the rest area,
that does not in any way, shape or form mean
there is a nice Uno's restaurant that you know from home,
with waitresses and salads, in that rest area...
The fact is that there are UNO's Pizzas,
however, they exist in the form of dried out mini pizzas,
boxed under a heated light at "The Doggery" fast food joint...
If you have ever enjoyed pizza from Uno's,
you will quickly realize that these wads of dough resemble cafeteria food at your kids' school.
The other dining choice was Burger King...blech...
I learned that road trips with kids are challenging at best,
whether in a station wagon, SUV or semi,
but hitting the road can be cool, sitting way up high...
The kids are sleeping and Leno is on...
The beer is cold in Breezewood, PA...
Tomorrow we hit the road, bright and early...
This is not a bucket filling day,but it was memorable....
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