Put Down That Caramel Egg....

 I am being stalked by carbs.  

The moment I decided to finally lose the last 20 pounds of Kate Weight, my mind was bombarded by thoughts of pasta, garlic bread, croissants, Wheat Thins and granola...  

The timing couldn't have been better to have been surrounded by jelly beans, Peeps and those blasted Cadbury Creme Eggs....

Chocolate is my crack....I gotta have it after lunch and before bed....

Giving it up is making me cranky.....already....

Last night I watched "The Biggest Loser" and it is truly amazing how these people lose 100 plus pounds... 

I realize they have dieticians, trainers, life coaches and all that nonsense to help them along, but it's gotta be pretty tough at 10pm when you really want an Oreo, or a bag of them... 

Losing weight sucks all the way around...  

It's hard and it takes too long... 

When I get PG I turn into the Sta-Puff Marshmallow Man... 

No kidding....ask my husband....

I didn't just have cankles, I had tree trunks.... 60 extra pounds of love, if you know what I mean...

I detest those women who gain a paltry 30 pounds during pregnancy, only to lose 35 to 40 lbs after birth.  

Even their "skinny" jeans are too big.....it's so annoying... 

After Jack was born it took about two years and some serious Atkins to get back to fighting weight. 

A few of my friends did Atkins with me, so we had someone to complain to, share Atkins bars for snacks, have communal "Ketosis" bad breath with, you know.....good times...

Actually, it worked and I finally dropped 35 lbs... 

Five years post Kate, lower metabolism, higher stress levels = 20 lbs still hanging on...

  Florida was the catalyst.....  

I saw photos of myself and became the crop monster, eliminating all but my neck 

(which I don't like, either, by the way)... 

Pants are too snug and my face resembles a doughnut.  

So, goodbye carbs and sugar.... 

I pine for you already....

Coffee tastes like the bottom of a birdcage without sugar 

and the piles of Easter candy are taunting me,

but I am determined... 

It's Day 3 and I have only cheated once with a tiny nugget of a Dove chocolate candy morsel.  

Dang, it tasted good, too!  

Tonight the kids will enjoy pasta, but I will have fish, green beans and soda water....  

I'm even cutting out wine..... 

THAT might kill me, but at least I'll look thinner at my funeral.....

Egg-O-Rama

What, in the wide world of sports, do you do with dozens of colored hard boiled eggs?  

After the hunt has been completed in all of five or ten minutes, what's next?  

Are they edible after sitting around the house the night before Easter?  

Or will you get some horrible lower intestinal malady after a couple of deviled eggs?  

Not sure of any answers to these timeless questions, I did a little research...  

At the Canadian Partnership for Consumer Food Safety Education,

"Mrs. Cookwell" answers some interesting questions;

"How long can hard boiled eggs be left at room temperature? We are coloring eggs for Easter."

"Since you plan to eat the hard boiled eggs it is essential to follow safe food handling guidelines. The eggs will need to be kept refrigerated as much as possible between hard cooking, decorating and display (or hiding). The total amount of time spent at room temperature should not exceed 2 hours. If necessary, display the hard cooked eggs on ice. Remember to use non-toxic dye and decorations." Yikes....Looks like overnight is a smidge too long.  I can swear my mom made deviled eggs with the Easter eggs she left out.... No one upchucked or fell over dead.....

I love this one.....

"When we crack the raw egg why is there no yoke,the egg lookes like it was beetened."

 

"This can and does happen. An egg can be all albumen, although it is very rare!"

Last time I checked, beetened was NOT a word.... Or is it Canadian? hmmmm.....

"Urgent question, my boss has just given me 144 hardboiled eggs which go out of date tomorrow - I have chickens and thought I could use the yolks to feed them if I could freeze them today???? help please. also is it safe for me to freeze the whole hardboiled egg for us to use again sometime???" 

 

"Hard cooked eggs do not freeze well as the white tends to become tough and rubbery. If using the yolks for chicken feed, you could try mashing the yolks and freezing them without the white."

What boss gives you 12 dozen eggs?!  Wouldn't the occasional lunch or even box of Fannie Mae chocolates be preferable?  And is it a bit strange to feed a chicken yolks.....Ewww...it feels very "Far Side" to me.....

Okay, so if you are willing to risk life and limb consuming those hard boiled eggs, what to cook that is a little more interesting than the egg salad sandwich?   

Kitchen Daily has a website with some unique ideas..... 

 A couple of my favorites are:  

Eggs in Purgatory: It sounds naughty, but is tasty....Make a spicy tomato sauce with onions, garlic, a little bacon (if you like), tomatoes and some cayenne. Slice hard-boiled eggs about 1/2-inch thick, place in a shallow pasta bowl and spoon sauce over.

Norwegian Butter Cookies: This is a new one to me!  This treat is a perfect use for egg yolks. In a mixing bowl, combine 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, 2 mashed hard-boiled egg yolks, and 1/4 cup granulated sugar. Beat until well combined. Beat in 1 teaspoon vanilla extract, 1 teaspoon grated orange zest, 1/4 teaspoon salt, and, if you like, 1/4 teaspoon ground cardamom. Fold in 1 cup all-purpose flour. Using a teaspoon measure, drop cookie dough mixture 1-inch apart onto a parchment-lined baking sheet and bake at 350 degrees for about 10 minutes, until golden around edges and set. Cool 2 minutes on the baking sheet, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

Gratinéed Eggs: If I didn't know better, I'd say Paula Deen thought this one up....mmmmm!  Make a white sauce by melting 3 tablespoons butter and whisking in 3 tablespoons of flour, cooking over medium-low heat until just beginning to turn golden. Whisk in 2 cups milk, a little nutmeg, salt, pepper and a pinch of cayenne. Cook until thick enough to coat the back of a spoon. Whisk in about a cup of shredded sharp cheddar (or more if you like). Spoon some of the mixture into an 8 x 8 baking dish that's been brushed with a little butter. Place 6 to 8 thickly sliced eggs in the dish and top with more sauce. Sprinkle with a little grated Parmesan and bake at 350 degrees until golden brown and bubbling.

Hard boiled eggs are also good in the middle of Braciole, on top of potato salad or crumbled in a Nicoise salad. 

When I was a kid, we colored a few dozen eggs for ourselves.

  

We then colored six for Dad.  These we always colored muddy brown, 

gray or pukey orange-y colors.  

A few pretty ones for Mom, too.  

The eggs then traveled to Grandma's house, to be added to the dozens 

brought by aunts and uncles...  

The grown ups hid the eggs all over Grandma's acreage, 

hiding eggs under flower pots, in her fish pond and in the woodpile... 

There was always one RAW egg in the bunch.  

I remember watching the adults throwing eggs to/at each other with a laugh and a wild eye....

  

Good times.....

 

A Break from Spring...

Just got back from a week down South.... Here's what I learned.....

1. We took a break from spring in Chicago and it was well timed from what Mr. Skilling dished out....

2. April Easters are much warmer than March ones...  It was hot and sunny all week....

3.  Kids think that being picked up at the airport by a nice man in a Lincoln is normal...

4. You and I know the usual mode of transportation is driving to FL in a Ford station wagon, with a coffee can as the mobile restroom....  Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" blared on the am radio as "Ruby Falls" billboards dominated the highway entertainment....good times.....

5. Golf carts are a great way to get around.... even if the governor is set at 22 mph.. 

6. No one cares if you sip your pina colada while driving a golf cart home from the pool....unless you weave into the grass....not that I have done that.....Didn't Bill Murray get a golf cart DUI in Stockholm?  Wow...he must have been toasted.....

7. 50 spf might as well be baby oil in FL in April.  The kids were bathed in it repeatedly and still have peel-y noses...

8. No matter how many baggies of pretzels, crackers, baby carrots, cut up apples, dry cereal or cookies you have in your beach bag, it is never enough....especially 20 minutes after a big lunch of chicken planks, steak fries and a Coke.

9.  I suck at golf....and will always suck.  It's still fun to be out on the fairway, pretending I know what I am doing.....

10. If one kids wants to play at the beach, the other will most certainly whine to be at the pool...without fail....

11. If one kid wants to surf  the rip current, the other is deathly afraid of a drop of seawater touching her toes and WILL NOT get into the water....without fail....

12.  Give your kid a smoothie ONCE in 5 years and they will remember it every afternoon around 1pm or when any other kid within a 500 yd radius gets one.  They can smell them like sea gulls smell potato chips from neighboring counties.  They will whine and pester you until you give in and add a planter's punch for your own salvation.  Not like that has happened to me or anything......

13.  Captured geckos don't like to be shaken in plastic toys when caught.  They tend to die.....

14.  If your son happens to accompany you on his grandmother's bike while you are jogging, remember to make him wear a helmet.  It might lessen the glares you will receive.  Just sayin'.....

15.  Do not get into the pool with your kids unless you enjoy being a tree monkey.  The size or number of your children is meaningless...they will collectively cling to you until you either drown or leave the pool.  They will cry and beg you to return to the pool, but do not unless  you like having your top ripped off, your glasses sunk to the bottom and your hair matted to your head. 

16.  Marco Polo is a game to be outlawed.  Why won't it go away?!  Also, peer pressure is the best way to guilt your kid into swimming.  Works every time.....

17.  There are those in America who are so worldly...they wear bikinis just like the Western Europeans, with no regard to modesty.  Let it all hang out, Sistah!

18.  Getting a family portrait is like scaling Mt. Everest.  It is a long and difficult endeavor that should generally NOT be taken....

19.  Dining with children should also not be attempted, unless it is performed at 5pm sharp, with serious adult beverages offered.  Any sort of wait, unusual menu or required decorum on the behalf of the minors is asking for serious pain and suffering....

20.  If I could have stayed another week, I would have.....It was a blast!

Gone but Not Forgotten....

The 2010 Census showed that approximately 200,000 people left Chicago over the last decade. 

No need to analyze, but it has affected us... 

We have lost several good friends to the suburbs and to other parts. 

Typically, they were friends we made through our kids' schools... 

So, while their kids were little they fled to the land of bigger yards,

more school/camp choices and a slower lifestyle... 

I get it.... 

When we visit our suburban friends, we get that temporary longing for their expansive lawns, wide, quiet streets teaming with kids on bicycles and scooters, and large, picturesque homes. 

Maybe I'll change my mind, but for now we are city folks... 

The space between our homes may be only 36 inches and my yard may be a postage stamp,

but I like the closeness of our street. 

It feels good to know most of our neighbors and their kids... 

We are our own sort of strange village, and we watch out for each other... 

We can walk to most anything we need, from the grocery store to shops, restaurants and bars. 

Parks are close by, as is our school... 

But the city is not for everyone and so we have lost some good friends

to other counties and states... 

And dang, we were just getting to really know them, too! 

I attended a coffee at the home of the latest escapee... 

She and her family are moving to a suburb of Boston. 

As if the Chicago suburbs weren't far enough... 

Her husband got a great job and the boys are young enough to weather the change. 

It's just that I will miss her unique take on life and her infectious laugh. 

She used to be a flight attendant and I swear her photo is in the dictionary for

flight attendants.....impeccably dressed, slim, pretty and always smiling.  

She had a rebellious, NRA-toting Metallica side to her that was adorable, if that is possible... 

And now she is leaving me and she will leave a hole... 

Three weeks ago, another friend up and grabbed her family and high tailed it to a nearby suburb. 

It might as well be Lithuania... 

Oh sure, "We will get together all the time", she pleads, but I know better... 

Once you cross into the divide that is the suburbs,

your gritty memories of the city fade like a dream... 

We all hang out in our own neighborhoods, the same parks, stores and restaurants. 

Who has time to actually plan ahead, gather the kids and drive somewhere? 

She is a close friend and I know we will make the effort,

but I used to walk to her house for a glass of wine... 

No more..... 

I need some new friends to fill those irreplaceable holes, 

and yet I am too tired, busy and stressed to make the effort... 

I think after the age of 40 you realize more friends isn't necessarily better

and you need to nurture the ones you have... 

Maybe that is why I am sad to lose these gals to geography. 

At least we have email/texting and Facebook.... 

Maybe I'll go on Craigslist to find a new buddy or two.... 

Let's see:  "Forty Something Tired Mom seeks companion to share Friday afternoon glasses of wine, horror stories about their kids, someone who will help me rationalize into buying that tube of lipgloss  I absolutely don't need but want

and who will not move away before their kid's high school graduation. 

Must live within walking distance and have kids who annoy her as much as mine do to me". 

Husband optional but preferred as cigar buddy for mine..." 

It could be a Mommy Match. com kind of thing....  I may be on to something...                                                                                                                                            

The Dog Days of April...

We were teased this weekend with ridiculously warm weather.  

Such joy!  

Of course, next week will be cold enough to wipe away our audacity to wear shorts and sandals... 

Back to coats and socks, you fools!  

But this weekend.....so delicious!  

I have been longing to get dirt under my nails, 

to attempt to repair the disaster that is my yard. 

(defunct yard heater, headed to the alley...)

Two years ago, my front and back yards were, dare I say, lush?  

Hydrangeas, hostas, roses, daisies, ferns, impatiens, 

forget-me-knots, poppies and carpets of grass....  

Now look at it...dirt, rocks, piles of hardened concrete...so depressing. 

I thought perhaps a sepia tint to the carnage might give it a historical look,

like all this mess is in the past...  

I crack myself up...

It looks crappy today! 

I wish one of those HGTV fix it shows would miraculously arrive 

 and create the landscape of my dreams....

 Back to reality...

Notice the huge rusty nail, sticking out of our house, in the gangway...

It's just waiting to stab a kid running by...

Hello, tetanus!

I finally got my dear husband to bend it to a safe angle until he will remove it altogether...

The contractor promised he would return on Monday to finish the job and he'd better show...

I might send a posse of sleep deprived, sugar enhanced children for him otherwise.....  

So this weekend, armed with a rake, compost and determination, 

I cleared the rest of the flotsam from the front and back yards, 

hand tilled the front and back gardens, seasoning them with compost, 

planted beans, lettuce, lilies, tulips, daffodils and hyacinths, 

cleaned out the garage 

and did all the weekend chores like laundry, dishes, 

cleaning up after everyone, etc.  

One thing is clearly apparent:  

I do not have the body of a twenty-something anymore.  

OMG....

I need ibuprophen at two hour intervals....

Only my eyelashes do not hurt.  

My mom always said, "Hire a kid, you get a kid"  

and it couldn't be truer... 

The kids were all about helping mommy dig and plant for, oh about 15 minutes.  

Then their short term attention spans took off for water fights and general outdoor mayhem.  

Trust me, I prefer it this way....

Let them tire themselves out while I get some real work done.  

Later, when their meters ran out, the kids  first decided 

camping in the living room was a cool idea.  

That was Friday night and amazingly, they slept in the tent all night.  

Today, after a particularly boisterous water fight, they lolled in front of the TV.  

These pics look like perhaps they were mesmerized for hours, 

but these position changes were over a ten minute period.  

If Kate's feet were any blacker I'd have her checked for ringworm....  

Storms are headed this way, I hope.  

The ground needs a good soaking so my little baby seeds and bulbs can take root.  

Spring is 'a comin' and I can't wait to turn armageddon back into an oasis...